Thursday, 20 May 2010

How To Party With The Coalition Party

After months of political in-fights and bitching, we've got a boiled ham for Prime Minister and a Cabinet who no-one really voted for. And no amount of pseudo-anarchic Facebook groups are going to change the situation.

So here are 5 reasons why this government will do right by clubbers.

1. No ID cards. The 'Con-Dem'-ed coalition agrees on this above all. This paranoid, Orwellian style of monitoring baddies and scaring the living daylights out of the good, law-abiding citizens was always going to have its problems, especially amongst clubbers. How often do we lose our stuff on a night out? Calling the bank at 3am for the third weekend in a row to get your cards cancelled is one thing, but having to call up the home office each weekend? Spare us the hassle.

2. Greg Knight. As MP for East Yorkshire, Greg may, at first glance, have precious little effect upon clubbers nationwide. But this chap is at the forefront of the 'Save Our Pubs & Clubs' campaign, which is requesting that the smoking ban be relaxed in order to keep booze Britain alive. If successful, clubbers could go back to those halcyon days of smelling toxic tar, tobacco and burnt formaldehyde in their favourite jaunts, instead of beer and puke.

3. Cuts to universities. Seriously, a brilliant idea. How amazing would it be to turn 18 without the pressure of having to spend another three years getting a degree which employers find entirely irrelevant? All of that money spent on student digs can now be spent on going out a lot more and listening to a hell of a lot more music.

4. Even if the new government takes a turn for the worse and repeats all of Thatcher's mistakes, we'll get some great music out of it. Some of the biggest pioneers of dance music were inspired by the Iron Lady's fuckups. In the early 80s alone, New Order's Blue Monday was all about the Falklands War, Bronski Beat wrote a whole album dedicated to overturning homophobic statutes and the New Romantic scene was all about escaping the dire realities of Thatcherite Britain.

5. The extremist right-wing nut jobs who are out to ruin everyone's fun (see: Norman Tebbit kicking a kid in a dragon costume up the bum during Chinese New Year festivities) will feel so disenfranchised by a government that doesn't charge four year olds for milk money, that they'll up and leave, making Britain a friendlier place for all people, including clubbers.


This piece was written for the Ministry of Sound blog.

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